7 Days Remaining

Saturday 3rd
posted by Paddy McGuffin in Features

Ok, it’s about time (about 2,000 years too late some would say) as we enter perhaps the second most hallowed month in the Christian calendar that we sorted this out once and for all.

And seeing as no-one with a half-formed sense of rationality or reason seems prepared to do so this column will gamely pick up the gauntlet and run with it.

“One mustn’t criticise people for their beliefs” is the constant refrain, even as they do exactly that.

God, of any and all denominations — take your pick — is the biggest and most ingenious con game in history, at least until anyone actually thinks about it and then it is instantly exposed as the tissue of lies and exploitation it has always been.

“Do what (my) God tells you or you won’t get into a mythical utopia and will instead burn in hell for all eternity.”

What a racket! A kind of pontifical Ponzi scheme if you will.

And that’s just for a start.

I mean no real offence to those who genuinely believe and live their lives in accordance to those beliefs.

It’s just that — sadly and ironically, in much the same way free-thinkers are — you happen to be in the vast minority, righteously afloat on a sea of self-serving and hypocritical chancers.

I happen to believe that blind faith whether it be theocratic or ideological is idiotic but then who’s gonna be laughing when the final reckoning occurs?

Not me. I’m screwed.

It’s a gamble I am willing to take however if it means that I am on the opposite side to every messianic despot from Nero to Blair and now Theresa May.

May this week claimed that her faith in God makes her convinced she is “doing the right thing” as Prime Minister.

Oh dear…

Speaking to the Sunday Times, May was asked how she steeled herself for the job and the tough decisions ahead.

She replied: “It’s about, ‘Are you doing the right thing?’ If you know you are doing the right thing, you have the confidence, the energy to go and deliver that right message.”

You know who else was convinced they were doing the right thing and that God had guided them in their actions?

Matthew Hopkins the Witch Finder General — and I think we all know how that worked out.

The comparison is not as flippant as it might first appear because it emerged this week that while Home Secretary May seriously proposed plans to “sniff out” and hound illegal immigrants out of the country by effectively preventing their children from getting an education.

Leaked documents reportedly show that the Home Office suggested schools could withdraw children’s places if their families were found to be in the country illegally.

It is unclear whether she sought supernatural opinion on the matter before hand — this column is guessing not — unless it was Baal or Molloch she was consulting.

So basically May went from “saint” Theresa to King Herod in the space of 24 hours.

It is a curious phenomenon but almost without exception those who claim to have heard the words of God always find that he (or she) whole-heartedly supports their endeavours, insane as they usually are.

You don’t often hear anyone say: “Er, I was just talking to yer man and it’s all off. He says I’ve been a bit of an eejit. Sorry about that.”

Talking to God is not a sign of piety but a strong indicator of mental illness.

That the woman who is now in charge of the country in all seriousness planned to cynically and viciously deny the rights of innocent children in a bid to drive through her rabidly xenophobic plans to make Britain a “hostile environment” for immigrants and asylum seekers tells you all you need to know.

Your beliefs are your own concern and if they help you sleep better at night, good luck to you.

One’s faith does not, however give one an exclusive right to be offended.

Yet once again the specious claims arose this week that some Christians feel so “picked on” they are too scared to speak about their faith in public.

Really? This old chestnut again?

The Right Reverend Nick Baines, the Bishop of Leeds, said some secularists “have a problem” with religion being talked about.

And he warned of a brand of “intolerant” liberalism which is dismissive of the Christian faith.

Ah, I see, so it’s those dastardly agnostics again with their reasoned consideration of the arguments and requirement of proof that are to blame.

Evil bastards, with their sandals and beards, being nice to people just because it’s the right thing to do.

Do they not understand what Christianity is all about?

Baines added: “I call it religious illiteracy.”

Which for a senior representative of the CofE, which had millions of pounds invested in the arms industry while millions were being slaughtered around the world and which owns most of the land and massive amounts of property across England while homelessness levels go through the roof could be seen as somewhat rich.

Is it just this column or is it possible that liberals are not the only ones having issues interpreting the scriptures correctly.

He then, apparently in all seriousness, warned that Britain has become a liberal society and that “liberalism can become very intolerant of anything that doesn’t fit its own parameters.”

Now I’m no biblical scholar but I do seem to recall there was something in the “good book” regarding the wrongness of pointing out a mote of dust in the eye of another when you have a sodding great beam in your own.

But then what would I know, I’m religiously illiterate.

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