This year, conference exhibition organisers decided to place the Morning Star stall directly opposite the toilets.

But instead of accusing Labour officials of a dirty trick, our intrepid business manager was overflowing with praise.

“It’s the perfect spot to hand out complimentary copies of the paper,” Chris Guiton explained. “If we don’t catch ’em on the way in, we’ll definitely nab ’em on the way out.”

In the time-honoured tradition of never turning down a freebie, passing delegates eagerly plucked their copies from the hands of our smiling volunteers. All except Labour legend Dennis Skinner, that is. What? Not Dennis!

“I pay for mine,” he retorted with a withering look, before nipping into the gents.

In among a steady stream of passing MPs, union leaders and delegates, the stall was graced with a visit from Countryside Alliance posh boy who boasted of how his grandmother fanatically opposed the paper.

“In the 1950s, she had had enough of the Daily Worker seller doing a roaring trade on her local High Street, so she set up a rival pitch selling Catholic News!”

There were no signs of a truce in the ongoing Battle of the Lanyards, as delegates were spotted replacing their official Usdaw neckwear with those of their own unions or favourite organisations.

Back at the stall, one passer-by swapped his lanyard for a red Morning Star one, only to reveal that he was a delegate from Usdaw. Ouch!