They're a fickle bunch these Lib Dems. A few weeks ago they were looking to lynch Nick Clegg from a lamp post, or at least give him a stern ticking off. But this week at the party knees-up he got a reception such as is normally reserved for a returning messiah or a prophet set to lead the tribe out of the wilderness.

Giving his leader's speech on Wednesday he got standing ovations, gleeful applause, fawning sycophancy and they even guffawed delightedly at his God-awful jokes. It was almost like it was choreographed ... but no, that's just being cynical.

The Lib Dems could never co-ordinate anything that well.

I think someone should check the water supply at the conference centre for hallucinogens or at least check what kind of mushrooms were in those quiches. It was like the middle of the road version of the Jonestown massacre only in Glasgow not Guyana and with Perrier not Kool-Aid.

Even Clegg looked slightly startled by the lack of bile and vitriol, the meek acceptance which greeted almost every leadership motion tabled. And it was no surprise after such an easy ride all week that he felt so confident going into his oration.

In fact the last time this column saw such spineless capitulation it was ... well, actually it was the Lib Dems then too.

At least they've found a cap that fits, a deer stalker - that way if they turn face quickly enough hopefully no-one notices.

The Lib Dem faithful have suffered almost as many broken promises as the Cherokee nation and yet through some form of collective brainwashing they seemed to be able to totally divorce themselves from that particular reality.

So much so that they were seemingly able to brush off total U-turns on tuition fees, electoral reform, draconian secret courts and even pass a motion for Trident Lite, which is still a prelude to mutually assured destruction but with slightly fewer calories.

This was mass delusion on a grand scale.

The vote against calling for a total scrapping of the nuclear deterrent was pretty tight in the end so there must still be some Lib Dems with convictions after the departure of Chris Huhne.

Clegg's speech was farcical in many ways. First of all he claimed that the Lib Dems were an "anti-Establishment" party.

Really? You could have fooled me posh boy. The only way the Lib Dems could in any way be classed as anti-Establishment is because despite being a junior coalition party they still can't worm their way into the inner circle.

Not that you would have known that from Clegg's pompous strutting.

The only honest statement he made from the dias was that when they and the Tories slimed into power "no-one was quite sure how it was going to work."

Funny, that because everyone else was damn sure what would happen - the Tories would come up with insane policies and the Lib Dems would fawningly back them, coquettishly fluttering their lashes and simpering. And thus it came to pass.

So, for those who missed it - most people I would imagine allow this column to provide a subtext to some of Clegg's more preposterous claims.

"Elderly people will no longer have to sell their homes to pay for social care because we've capped the crippling costs" - (and their pensions.)

"Mothers will no longer be worse off in retirement because our new simpler, fairer state pension recognises the value of raising a family" - (they'll be a damn sight worse off before that though because we're cutting child benefit.)

"Fathers will have the choice of staying at home once their children are born because we're transforming parental leave" - (they'll probably be unemployed anyway.)

"We've taken innocent people off the DNA database" - (er, only after the courts forced them to.)

"We've ended child detention in the immigration system" - (no they haven't.)

"At a time when millions of people are feeling the squeeze, when every penny counts, we've cut income tax bills by £700 and taken almost three million people on low pay out of paying any income tax altogether" - (the rich still pay sod all.)

"I have spent my entire life watching the other two mess it up. We cannot stand idly by and let them do it all over again" - (it's our turn now.)

Clegg told Lib Dems to go forth and spread the word that "our mission is anchoring Britain to the centre ground. Our place is in government again."

That sounds remarkably like an infamous 1980s speech by a certain David Steel when he sparked derision by telling the party faithful to "go home and prepare for government."

I think we can all recall what happened next.