Listen one listen all while I tell of a scandal So vile that upon it you won't get a handle At both ends you'll find yourself burning the candle As you ponder the sins of this old fashioned vandal Jeremy Clarkson Has been up to some larks son They finally caught Jeremy fucking a car.
The first sign that he was in this way perverted Was at a Ford dealership when he first flirted And all over an Escort young Jeremy squirted XR3i owners were all alerted Jeremy Clarkson Is quick off the mark son They finally caught Jeremy fucking a car.
Hammond and May both so spineless and vacant Feared Jeremy's lustfulness savage and blatant His car-based perversion was deeper than latent On piston shaped condoms he took out a patent Jeremy Clarkson Came out of the dark son They finally caught Jeremy fucking a car.
Had he been found out it might not have got worse His auto-erotic kink grimly perverse The need to bone motors became such a curse At a funeral he snapped and back-scuttled the hearse Jeremy Clarkson In the graveyard carpark son They finally caught Jeremy fucking a car.
Masturbating on toy cars you might think it rum But it takes only four strokes for Clarkson to come Compulsively he does some other things dumb Like shoving hood ornaments right up his bum Jeremy Clarkson Life choices quite stark son They finally caught Jeremy fucking a car.
The bitter end came to poor Jeremy's marriage His poor wife she wandered out into the garage To find her mad husband with his undercarriage As far in a Volvo sump as he could manage Jeremy Clarkson All Swedes they should hark son They finally caught Jeremy fucking a car.
After a fag had a shag with a Jag Hot genitals forced Sorely up its exhaust In his sleep he was peeped Knackers deep in a Jeep His diminutive cock Wedged tight in the lock Subsequently his organ Was shoved in a Morgan Jeremy Clarkson With insanity barks son They finally caught Jeremy fucking a car.
Then one day a hybrid! He stayed open minded With emotions eclectic Like Bob 'went electric' And popped his wee penis inside of a Prius! Now Clarkson's less mean Cos he loved something green No longer the weasel Who hates bio diesel And if he can keep it up He will go far They finally caught Jeremy in a nice car.
Jupitus is a comedian and poet who regularly appears on the TV shows Never Mind the Buzzcocks and QI. He started out as performance poet Porky the Poet, supporting acts such as Billy Bragg and becoming associated with Anti-Fascist Action.