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Jacinta Nandi photo by Nina Maul

Tuesday 16th
posted by Jody Porter in Arts

Well Versed is edited by Jody Porter

powers of persuasion
Jacinta Nandi

All I'd need is like one afternoon
And Prince Harry in a van
And, me talking

I wouldn't need to torture him
I wouldn't want to torture him
And I wouldn't need to torture him, see
(Okay, he'd be a bit tied up
a tiny bit tied up
a little tiny tiny bit kind of tied up
so he couldn't escape
I wouldn't want him getting out the van, would I)

And me, talking
not about socialism or capitalism or exploitation or anything like that
such long words, aren't they, Harry?
I wouldn't need to use those words

Just like I wouldn't need to use torture

I would use just 2 things on him:
emotions & logic
and one afternoon in a van

(Remember his mum, walking across that field in Africa
This isn't a political issue, it's humanitarian!
She was genuinely annoyed
Despite all her jewels & her gems & her silks & furs at home
In trunks and safes, maybe
She was actually pissed off as she got in the car)

So this is how certain I am, of my powers of persuasion:

All I'd need is one afternoon
And Prince Harry, in a van,
And me, talking

(all those poor kids, Harry,
not just the black ones on Comic Relief
with the flies buzzing round their heads you know
the ones Katie Hopkins wants terminated like vermin
not just them
- I mean them too, don't get me wrong -
but the white ones too
the white ones too -
those white kids, so white, see-through skin,
fluorescent skin, fluorescent snot
red hair like you – personally I think it's beautiful Harry, here, let me touch it
but with bad teeth
black stumps of teeth like rotten fenceposts
all they did was be born
do they deserve this Harry?
did they deserve this Harry?
did they deserve that Harry?
what have they done to deserve this Harry?

I stood up for you, actually, when you wore that Nazi-costume.
you shouldn't have worn that Nazi-costume, Harry, what were you thinking!
I stood up for you
I stood up for you, Harry
I said: He's just a kid
He didn't ask to be born
a prince
a fucking prince
All he is is a kid at a fancy-dress party
You're the dicks who called him Prince!
Get the fuck out.

Thing is, Harry
Nobody asks do they
Nobody asks to be born)

Afterwards all I ever need are long, lazy afternoons
Prince Harry and our ginger babies wrapped up like little cauliflowers
In a van, and me talking
Sometimes even like about socialism and capitalism and stuff
I try not to use too many long words in one afternoon

I don't love him for his brains



Jacinta Nandi was born in Essex in 1980 and has lived in Berlin since the age of 20. She's written for Neues Deutschland, Jungle World, taz, Missy as well as for Media Diversified in Britain. In Berlin she performs at various Lesebühnes across the city including the legendary Surfpoeten in Klub der Republik.

Well Versed is edited by Jody Porter (
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