All I'd need is like one afternoon And Prince Harry in a van And, me talking
I wouldn't need to torture him I wouldn't want to torture him And I wouldn't need to torture him, see (Okay, he'd be a bit tied up a tiny bit tied up a little tiny tiny bit kind of tied up so he couldn't escape I wouldn't want him getting out the van, would I)
And me, talking not about socialism or capitalism or exploitation or anything like that such long words, aren't they, Harry? I wouldn't need to use those words
Just like I wouldn't need to use torture
I would use just 2 things on him: emotions & logic and one afternoon in a van
(Remember his mum, walking across that field in Africa This isn't a political issue, it's humanitarian! She was genuinely annoyed Despite all her jewels & her gems & her silks & furs at home In trunks and safes, maybe She was actually pissed off as she got in the car)
So this is how certain I am, of my powers of persuasion:
All I'd need is one afternoon And Prince Harry, in a van, And me, talking
(all those poor kids, Harry, not just the black ones on Comic Relief with the flies buzzing round their heads you know the ones Katie Hopkins wants terminated like vermin not just them - I mean them too, don't get me wrong - but the white ones too the white ones too - those white kids, so white, see-through skin, fluorescent skin, fluorescent snot red hair like you – personally I think it's beautiful Harry, here, let me touch it but with bad teeth black stumps of teeth like rotten fenceposts all they did was be born do they deserve this Harry? did they deserve this Harry? did they deserve that Harry? what have they done to deserve this Harry?
I stood up for you, actually, when you wore that Nazi-costume. you shouldn't have worn that Nazi-costume, Harry, what were you thinking! I stood up for you I stood up for you, Harry I said: He's just a kid He didn't ask to be born a prince a fucking prince All he is is a kid at a fancy-dress party You're the dicks who called him Prince! Get the fuck out.
Thing is, Harry Nobody asks do they Nobody asks to be born)
Afterwards all I ever need are long, lazy afternoons Prince Harry and our ginger babies wrapped up like little cauliflowers In a van, and me talking Sometimes even like about socialism and capitalism and stuff I try not to use too many long words in one afternoon
I don't love him for his brains
Jacinta Nandi was born in Essex in 1980 and has lived in Berlin since the age of 20. She's written for Neues Deutschland, Jungle World, taz, Missy as well as for Media Diversified in Britain. In Berlin she performs at various Lesebühnes across the city including the legendary Surfpoeten in Klub der Republik.