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Flames: A controlled fire after the BP's 2010 Gulf of Mexico oil spill

Saturday 2nd
posted by Paddy McGuffin in Features

PADDY McGUFFIN doesn't feel like the racketeers, spivs and hoodlums at the right hand of global capital see events in Palestine and Ukraine in quite the right light

Shame on you! You self-serving, lily-livered, spineless, selfish scum.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’ve been spending the last few weeks agonising over the suffering of innocent civilians in Gaza and elsewhere, haven’t you.

Peasant! While you’ve been wasting all that time over slaughtered kiddies in the Middle East and the ongoing situation in Ukraine, the real suffering has been going on behind closed (boardroom) doors.

But do you care? Do you buggery!

What do dead kiddies make? Prizes that’s what!

You see it’s all very well for you wishy-washy liberals to be wringing your hands over all that suffering and death but, at the end of the day, Palestinians just don’t buy enough weapons!

If they did we’d be in like Flynn, not actually stopping the murder (obviously) but evening up the odds slightly.

But those refugees, I don’t know, they won’t pay out for anything, the tight-fisted whingers.

Yes, that’s right, when all sentient and even vaguely empathetic people are aghast at the atrocities being perpetrated around the globe, those sensible people at the multinationals are whining about their profit margins.

One can never be too cynical when it comes to the arms trade, and as far as they’re concerned Gaza is a giant showcase for their nefarious wares. 

Bored with the bog standard, run-of-the-mill kiddie-killing technology? Have we got something for you! 

If you’ve got the bucks Fukt and Bommed Incorporated will happily provide the bang. And then when you run out of maiming and slaughtering materials they’ll flog you more.

Not only are the British and the US arms-mongers continuing to flog their deadly wares to Israel in direct breach of the — albeit moral — embargo but, not to be left out in the global hypocrisy stakes, BP has joined in the fun.

This week it complained that sanctions against Russia over the ongoing Ukraine situation would affect its business venture with Gazprom.

This statement comes multi-layered with irony for the aficionado. The whole Ukraine situation is about oil and gas in the first place.

But it is bizarre that big businesses, particularly in the form of planet rapers extraordinaire BP, are agitating to end an incipient conflict for a change. 

Well, actually they’re not. It’s merely that sanctions against Russia — yeah, right — would royally screw them, which is a particularly painful procedure…

The fact that if Russia chose to turn off the tap you’d be hard pressed to light so much as a bunsen burner anywhere in the world is irrelevant, apparently.

Mind you, BP has somewhat burned its bridges with the US, what with that whole business about turning the Gulf of Mexico into toxic soup and all, so you can understand why it might be panicking a wee bit…

In fact, the self-same guy who presided over that fiasco is in charge of the Russia gig. 

Can you see a pattern emerging here?

And those fine philanthropists in the energy sector weren’t finished there. Oh, no.

Yes, that’s right, British Gas, that connoisseur of good taste and tact, let rip with wailing and gnashing of teeth, bemoaning the fact that its profits had slumped to a paltry £1 billion … due to the warm weather.

Oh, the humanity! 

The funny thing is that if it wasn’t for its rapacious profligacy when it comes to plundering the world’s natural resources, it wouldn’t be as warm as it is.

Let’s face it, British Gas didn’t lose money by being altruistic with regards to its customers, who they remain happy to bleed dry like a medieval purveyor of leeches.

Maybe if British Gas bosses stopped lining their own pockets to the tune of millions of pounds they might have a few quid to spare.

I’m amazed Blair hasn’t got on that particular gravy train. He works for pretty much every other scumbag on the planet and most of them have rather substantial mineral reserves…

Mind you, he’s doing alright for himself as it is. All that — ahem — “peace work” turns out to be rather lucrative. 

For some …