The Paddy McGuffin Column: The Tory squat thrust

This week there has been much debate over plans to end an antisocial activity which has been the bane of civilised society and struck fear into the hearts of homeowners everywhere.

This parasitic practice has been going on for far too long and it is time to stamp it out with the utmost vigour.

Public and private properties are wrested from their rightful owners and run into the ground. The offenders cause a public nuisance, pay no rent on their temporary dwellings and contribute nothing to society.

Let's outlaw the Tory Party now.Housing Minister Grant Shapps today rolled out plans to make the squatting of vacant residential properties illegal, meaning anyone found guilty could face six months in prison, a £5,000 fine or both.

He said: "For too long, hardworking people have faced long legal battles to get their homes back from squatters, and repair bills reaching into the thousands when they finally leave."

That sentence works equally well if you change the word "homes" for "public services," "squatters" for "Tories" and "thousands" for "billions."

Meanwhile, Justice Minister Crispin Blunt said: "For too long, squatters have had the justice system on the run and have caused homeowners untold misery in eviction, repair and clean-up costs.

"Hard-working homeowners need and deserve a justice system where their rights come first."

This from a government which is hell-bent on forcing through secret trials to prevent its complicity in the rendition and torture of its own citizens coming out, a government which is systematically attempting to tear up centuries of British legal tradition, scrap habeas corpus and place itself and its minions in the secret service above the law.

This is also the same bunch who broke their promise to end child detention and continue to bang up innocent kids in appalling conditions. It would appear these unfortunate minors don't need or deserve a justice system where their rights come first.

Even ignoring all the moral arguments against the policy, it doesn't make economic sense. Allowing people to occupy vacant properties costs the government nothing. Banging someone up for six months costs an estimated £20,000.

This is a coalition that has moved into Downing Street without being invited, wrecked the country, vandalised the economy, thumbed its nose at the law and trashed its public pledges.

Sounds rather like their definition of squatting doesn't it?

By contrast, although not all squatters are saints, many do-up dilapidated buildings which otherwise would fall further into ruin, start up community projects and cause little or no trouble to the surrounding community.

I know who I'd rather have as neighbours.

At a time when they are slashing housing benefit, refusing to crack down on unscrupulous landlords jacking up rents sky high and forcing thousands out of work, it is now attempting to make thousands more homeless.

And while we're on the subject of rank hypocrisy, this column seems to recall that it wasn't so long ago that quite a number of these self same politicians were in a bit of hot water for flipping their second homes and defrauding the taxpayer with their expenses claims.

That, however, was deemed not to be illegal in the majority of cases.

Talk about a culture of entitlement.

If the government had any moral scruples at all it would make it illegal for the wealthy to own multiple homes, many of which are left empty for the majority of the year, issue compulsory seizure orders on landed estates and convert them into affordable public housing.

The Windsors have got a few we could start with. Then there's Chequers.

Now why would the Cabinet of millionaires and aristos not think that was a good idea?