George W Bush told the United States he'd keep us safe from terrorists by having us take off our shoes at the airport.
Barack Obama took the Oath of Office for the second time last week. And this Obama 2.0 is also going to save the US from insane killers - by limiting ammo clips to 10 bullets instead of 30.
At a television press conference about the Newtown school massacre last Wednesday a tearful president called this "meaningful action to prevent more tragedies like this."
But, once again, we get to pretend that our presidents protect us and save us from what is murdering us and destroying us.
But The Great Assault Rifle Debate, like the War on Terror, is just another Weapon of Mass Distraction
In all fairness to Obama, he also called - as Bush did - for a massive increase in the number of FBI files kept on citizens. I feel safer already, don't you?
Here's the facts. There are about 4.5 million assault rifles in US civilian hands. That's around the same number as in tiny Switzerland (population eight million). Tens of thousands of Swiss keep a 9mm Sig Sauer, like the one used by the Newtown killer. But we don't see the Swiss sweeping dead kids out of their schoolyards.
The weapon of the US's deadliest mass killer, Timmy McVeigh, was fertiliser. Maybe we should ban bullshit - but that would shut down Washington and all five major TV networks.
At his assault-gun dog-and-pony show on Wednesday Obama shed tears for the murdered victims, as well he should.
But where are his tears for the victims of the MACT?
Let me explain. Last month, Obama bullied his own Environmental Protection Agency into watering down the Maximum Achievable Control Technology standards - the limits on industrial boiler pollution.
Under the loosened rules industry will get to triple the hydrogen chloride and triple the particulate filth it may dump in the air.
The White House crows that Obama's bending over on this rule will save corporate polluters $1.5 billion (£945 million) a year. Yippee!
Last year, the White House proudly posted the statement of EPA administrator Lisa Jackson that her proposed boiler pollution rules would help "prevent 17,000 premature deaths (and) 120,000 cases of childhood asthma symptoms."
Then, last month, the White House posted the "revised" EPA death count. The weakened boiler rule will now "avoid up to 8,100 premature deaths and 52,000 asthma attacks."
Do the arithmetic. Obama's climb-down on the rules will kill at least 8,900 people, and permit at least 68,000 asthma attacks compared to the original rule.
This deadly assault on unarmed US citizens followed an executive order issued by Obama after lobbyists stormed the White House to cut costs to lung-choker industries.
If children die from gunfire, Obama has tears for TV.
But if your child suffocates in industrial goo, neither Obama nor the news give a flying fart if your kid chokes or croaks.
So, rather than take away assault rifles, we'd save far more children by taking away the president's easy access to executive orders.
And the Republicans?
Killing 9,000 more asthmatics annually is just not enough for them.
So, to placate these GOP industry stooges, Obama threw them the severed head of his EPA chief. He pushed Jackson to resign.
Here's a real life-saving proposal. Rather than spy on gun buyers, the FBI should do background checks on members of Congress - and if they have a history of taking donations from polluters, ban them from voting on life-and-death laws.
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