Mel Jones - Customer Service

Good morning, Mel speaking. How may I help you?

I wanna job, love.

Ok. And what kind of work are you looking for?

Full time.

Yes, but what do you want to do?

Shifts.

And when you are on a shift, what kind of work are you doing?

Whatever I’m told; I'm a very good worker.

I’m sure. But what I’m trying to get at is what you actually do.

Oh I can turn my hand to most things.

Right. But what do you tend to turn your hand to, most of the time?

Well, I’m unemployed at the moment.

I’m sorry to hear that. What would you like to do?

Like I say, get a job.

Which job?

What have you got?

Ok. To help you I need to know a bit about the jobs you’ve done before. What was your last job?

I had two jobs.

And what were they?

They were alright as it goes, but I got sacked.

I’m sorry to hear that, but what were you sacked from?

Both of them.

Oh dear. Ok. Let’s look at this another way. Do you have any qualifications?

Oh yes.

And what are they?

I got an NVQ and a City and Guilds.

In what?

College.

Ok. And when you left college, you got a job?

Yes.

And what was your job?

I was an assistant.

Assisting who?

The manager.

Managing what?

Me.

When you were doing what?

Working. Are you thick or something?

I’m seriously beginning to wonder. I still have no idea what you do.

Oh. Didn’t I say? Communications.

Mel Jones came late to the performance poetry scene but has made up for it by winning slams all over London, including Hammer and Tongue 2012 and Bang Said the Gun Champion of Champions. She won the Edinburgh Free Fringe Award in 2012 for Best Spoken Word Show and runs her own poetry and music night called Friggers of Speech in Crouch End.

Well Versed is edited by Jody Porter. Read more here.

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