Who's the puppet, then?

You would have to look long and hard to find anyone who could beat either institution when it comes to antediluvian thinking and knee-jerk reaction.

This week has seen two bravura performances, one en masse as it were and the other a virtuoso solo effort.

Yes, as you cannot help but be aware unless you dwell in a troglodytic-style cave, which it would appear some of the C of E brethren do - the church's lunatic fringe rallied in force to vote against the ordination of female bishops at this week's synod.

Because let's face it, that's what Jesus would have done isn't it? He was all about discrimination.

And obviously what the bible actually says is "good will to all men," no mention of women so sod them.

In one of those weird ironies which only seem to occur when the God squad is involved many of those rabidly opposed to female bishops were, er ... women.

You have to wonder how that works ... "I don't want to listen to someone like me!"

These are the kind of women who when feminists were burning their bras were probably welding themselves into chastity belts.

But then, as this column has had cause to note before, what do you expect from a so-called benevolent institution which believes in righteous killing, "just wars" - like the crusades - and rents out its head offices to the arms trade.

If ever the fundamentalists needed proof that dinosaurs did exist...

And speaking of dinosaurs El Papa Red Socks has been busy apparently and has just published the latest in his "myth-busting" books about Jesus.

Bit risky I would have thought, but he - allegedly - knows best...

Jesus of Nazareth: The Infancy Narratives, which sounds like it should be Dan Brown's next tediously leaden blockbuster, specifically tackles the false beliefs around the nativity.

But funnily enough not the central one that it actually happened.

So, we are informed, angels didn't sing to the shepherds, the three wise men probably didn't exist and there were no animals in the stable - which will dramatically cut the cast of primary school Christmas concerts.

However just when you begin to think he may have strayed into a somewhat left-field area for a pontiff, he pulls it back.

On Mary's virgin conception of Jesus, Benedict says the answer to the question of whether this is a "historical truth," rather than a "myth," should be an "unequivocal yes."

Well that clears that up then.

And finally, from a bloke who claims to have a hotline to the Almighty to one who seems to want to ensure we all meet him ASAP.

The Lords has been strangely lucid in its arguments and opposition to draconian government policy of late, but as was graphically illustrated this week you can't keep a good nutter down.

Step forward former Labour defence minister Lord Gilbert, who gave his own unique contribution to a debate on multilateral nuclear disarmament on Thursday.

With no apparent irony and perhaps demonstrating he's misunderstood the topic in hand, he was "delighted" that the world had nuclear weapons before suggesting that neutron bombs should be used to create a "cordon sanitaire" in "troublesome" border regions.

I'll repeat that. He wants nuclear weapons to be used as border control and he used to be a defence minister.

He opined that what used to be called a neutron bomb, but was actually an "enhanced radiation reduced blast weapon" (ERRB), could have "many uses" today.

"I think you could use an ERRB warhead to create a cordon sanitaire around various borders where people are causing trouble these days."

He said an example was the mountainous border region between Afghanistan and Pakistan where no-one was living "except a few goats."

Adding: "If you told them there was going to be some ERRB warheads dropped there, it would be a very unpleasant place to go and they wouldn't go there."

I hope no-one gives the UK Border Agency or G4S that idea. They'll nuke Dover.