Desperate Chancellor George Osborne trumpeted a £50 billion sleight of hand today designed to hoodwink us into believing that he's got a plan to avoid the looming economic hurricane.
The Tory told Britain - ripped by cuts and austerity and going through a double-dip recession - that the government will "underwrite" tens of billions for spending on infrastructure and exports.
But there's a sting in the tail - the government will hand over £6bn to smooth the path of major public-private partnership projects where firms are unwilling to stump up the cash.
It appeared that the spending "unveiled" by Mr Osborne involved rehashing plans already on the table.
Even right-wing economists found it hard to keep a straight face when the Chancellor said he was using the coalition's "hard-won fiscal credibility" to attract private-sector funds to try to kickstart the economy.
Dr Richard Wellings, head of transport at ultra right-wing Institute of Economic Affairs, said: "There is a real danger the government's infrastructure investment plan will end up hindering economic recovery rather than promoting it.
"Unfortunately the plan is likely to produce wasteful, loss-making infrastructure that would never have been constructed without artificial support."
Shadow chief Treasury secretary Rachel Reeves said: "These proposals do not go far enough.
"There is no guarantee that government-backed loans will see any infrastructure projects going ahead in the next year which wouldn't have happened anyway."
Scottish TUC general secretary Grahame Smith said the announcement was an "acknowledgement of the fact that the private sector will not deliver" investment, but he branded it "massively insufficient given the scale of continuing economic and labour market challenges."
Nothing will bring back the hundreds of British soldiers killed fighting in Iraq at Tony Blair's behest.
Under a modicum of scrutiny the PM's international 'achievements' quickly unravel
The Con-Dems have had it their way too long. We have to turn this country around