His tearful mug crumbling from the front page of the local rag, the political candidate swore blind he’d been punched simply for posting his party’s propaganda.
Turns out he was being economical with the facts.
The alleged “man-mountain” of an assailant insisting he didn’t take a swing at all, he merely objected to having unwanted junk posted through his letterbox and attempted to return it by pushing it back into the poster’s pocket.
The candidate assumed it would be good publicity if he reported it, so the local press sent out a team to capture his version of events.
The paper has an online comments section, it stirred up quite a debate. Some said the guy was probably an unemployed thug, whilst others defended him.
Personally I think the political candidate is a weasel (I think most of them are) and in this town I think he got off pretty lightly considering his politics.
This crappy bullshit no-news story made front page, so obviously all is well: diminishing crime rate, zero unemployment and the local economy booming.
Quickly! Pour the cognac, light the fireworks, pass the cigars, at last, we’ve cracked it!
Mike Watts is a writer and spoken word performer from Hull. The author of three collections of poetry, his next collection is published by Wrecking Ball Press this summer.